To pee or not to pee? Chris wrestles with a classic cycling conundrum

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googlism2008
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To pee or not to pee? Chris wrestles with a classic cycling conundrum

Post by googlism2008 »

https://www.sportive.com/cycling-traini ... -conundrum

How on earth do you pee while wearing Lycra?

It started as a relaxed afternoon, the sun was shining as I prepared for my ride. I had only one real choice to make: bib tights or bib shorts? I'd go with shorts, this was my first opportunity to show off my newly shaved legs after all! If I dressed for a sunny day the weather might take my hint and stay fine.

"Make sure you take lots of fluids with you," said my girlfriend.

Dutifully, I downed a bidon of water and headed off.

I know hydration is essential, but drinking a lot can have a testing effect on my bladder. There are days when it struggles to hold more than a thimbleful of liquid, and this was one of those. Add to that it was a lot colder than it appeared earlier. With every passing moment my (already tiny) bladder shrank, and was very soon alarmingly full.

Never fear, I'd head straight to the public toilet I remembered was close by. With my new, aerodynamically shaved legs I was sure I'd be there in a matter of moments.

You can only imagine my horror in finding the loos had been vandalised and were boarded up. A minor inconvenience had suddenly become a public convenience emergency! The local area was far too busy with people for me to consider stepping behind a tree. Not that peeing discreetly was really an option; I was wearing layers and bib shorts, making 'access' without stripping off nearly impossible.

I racked my brains; where was next nearby loo? The answer was several (uphill) miles away. I'd make it, just, if I travelled quickly.

I've never cycled faster than I did that day - newly shaved legs or not. As I rode I desperately tried to come up with a plan B. What would the pro's do? I know the entire peloton occasionally stops at the side of the road for a call of nature - something rarely caught on TV coverage - but where I was going to find 70 other riders to hide among was beyond me.

I'd heard stories of professionals deliberately wetting themselves as they cycled. I didn't like the sound of that. I considered stopping at a house to beg use of their facilities. Yet I was aware Lycra-clad cyclists weren't popular around these parts of late:

"Whizzing around as if they're in the bloody Tour de France, they're a bloomin' menace."

If I did knock on a door there was a strong possibility I might never be seen again.

Making it to the next public toilet seemed my only option. Yet, as I rode, the world seemed to laugh at me: babbling brooks, flowing rivers, and even someone using a pressure washer really didn't help my situation.

Eventually I arrived. I didn't bother to lock my bike, I just rushed inside. To my horror there were no cubicles and a significant queue for the urinals. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity doing the "I really need the loo NOW!" dance I arrived at the front of the line. I was reminded of the Kenny Everett sketch where a desperate Spiderman can't find a zip in his costume to relieve himself. With numb fingers I unzipped my jacket, then pulled gymnastic manoeuvres to unhook my shoulders from the bib. As I did, I was suddenly aware the people in the queue were transfixed by the sideshow I was performing. I found it anything but entertaining.

Without going into detail, the call of nature was answered. I stumbled back outside, collected my bike and sat on a bench to get my breath back. In the next few minutes I saw five Lycra-clad cyclists sprint towards the toilets. They too must have been caught in a "perfect storm" of too much liquid, deceptively cold weather and a vandalised loo.

Finally I saw another cyclist arrive. This fellow wasn't travelling at the same pace. Rather than going into the loo he walked (or should I say waddled) over to the bench next to mine. There was a distinct squelch when he sat down. I took his arrival as my cue to leave.

I'll never win a yellow jersey, that's for certain. But I'm determined not to join the yellow shorts club.
Brian
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Re: To pee or not to pee? Chris wrestles with a classic cycling conundrum

Post by Brian »

What a great article. Funny that male clothing can either have the practicality of letting you pee easily or of letting your perspiration get through efficiently, but combining the two has not been achieved.
Fred
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Re: To pee or not to pee? Chris wrestles with a classic cycling conundrum

Post by Fred »

Fortunately, lycra allows liquids to flow through easily and dries quickly, but if the cyclist is wearing cotton underwear the wet feeling and appearance would persist for a while. At the least, that could be uncomfortable and embarrassing. Perhaps freeballing is the way to go if you don't have an iron bladder. :o
googlism2008
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Re: To pee or not to pee? Chris wrestles with a classic cycling conundrum

Post by googlism2008 »

Many cyclists would wear no underwear, but cycling bottoms have a padding called chamois. This thing is not intended to soak up urine.
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