the last time i went clubbing

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coyscoys23
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the last time i went clubbing

Post by coyscoys23 »

as promised, another anecdote from my personal bank of wetting stories. this time the humiliation, and the fault, is all my own.

to preface this: i definitely have an alcohol problem. i’m currently in recovery and going to meetings, but i’ve done silly and hurtful things while drunk (and wet my bed and my pants a LOT). i wasn’t black out drunk during this incident (hence why i can remember every toe-curling detail) but i was more drunk than i planned to be. i’m grateful for sobriety and also that as long as i stay sober, this won’t happen again.
…that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the memory, though!

this was a couple of years ago- my second year of uni and just before a certain virus put the nix on nightclubs for a while. i’m not normally into clubs and prefer bars and pubs, but some friends invited me round for pre’s and i had a few too many shots and was too suggestible for my own good.

a couple of hours in, i was all danced out, had spent a hideous amount of money on more shots, and was ready to break the seal. i hadn’t been to this club before so it took me a fair while to find the toilets in the first place, and when i did, i was surprised to find a queue stretching way out of the gents’. queues out the door for the ladies is so common as to be cliche, but normally (especially, ahem, in straight clubs), boys are in and out of the toilets in double-quick time. one of the bouncers was hanging around trying to keep the peace among 20-odd pissed-up students who all needed to piss. i caught his attention and asked him what was up.

he explained that someone had somehow smashed two of the four urinals- broken them clean off the wall. there were two cubicles, but they were occupied (i assume by people puking or passed out). so we were down to two urinals. great.

i decided to wait. but after only about five minutes, i realised that was no longer an option. i was going to have to break the seal, or have it broken for me. i wasn’t the only one for whom things were getting dire: there were more than a few people around me who were crossing their legs, had their hands in their crotch or were bending over in discomfort. well, i thought. they could piss themselves if they wanted. i was just going to take executive action.

i dived out the club and into the alley down the side. i was surprised to find myself alone, save for whatever rodents were enjoying the contents of the bins. i would have expected to see at least one other person who couldn’t wait, or possibly a rough sleeper- or even two people who couldn’t wait for their taxi to arrive to start going at it. but no, i was alone. no matter: i wasn’t looking for an audience. as the first leaks escaped into my pants, i knew i couldn’t wait a second longer. i whipped it out and immediately began to spray hot, steaming piss against the wall.

that is, until no more than a second later, i was blinded by a bright white light.
‘oi!’
the unmistakeable greeting of the dibble.

in a panic, i tucked myself away and hastily zipped up. ‘sorry, i’m sorry, i didn’t see you!’
the copper lowered his torch so i could actually see him. he was in high-viz and looked none too happy to see me. clearly, his beat for that night was the ginnels and closes around town, trying to prevent exactly what i was trying to do (and everything else people get up to in such places). i just hoped he wasn’t going to haul me in for public urination.

it was only when he glanced down and his face shifted into a look of shock that my booze-addled brain realised what was going on. i’d zipped up and turned away from the wall. but my bladder hadn’t got the memo. i was still pissing. into my pants. hard and hot, soaking my jeans and leaving a puddle running from my turn-ups.

the copper didn’t say anything, just turned away with a look of disgust. after what felt like forever, i was done. i surveyed the damage: my jeans were soaked, and it was obvious why. my shoes were ruined too.

my humiliation only continued from there. i had to go back into the club to go to the cloakroom and collect my jacket, which meant queueing up with everyone else. they could all see (and presumably smell) what had happened. most of them stared openly, while a girl who was passing even pointed and said, ‘look! that guy’s wet himself!’. i wanted the ground to swallow me up. i grabbed my jacket and held it in front me as i went back out. perhaps i was just self conscious, but i’m almost sure i heard people sniggering behind me. i didn’t blame them. i had to walk home (only about ten minutes thankfully) in my wet, cold, sticky jeans, in full knowledge that a bunch of strangers had seen me and knew what had happened.

i got into my flat, stripped off my jeans and stuffed them in the machine. then i collapsed in bed and fell asleep. i could deal with the clean up in the morning…
Brian
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Re: the last time i went clubbing

Post by Brian »

What a cracking account!

Good on you for being so open about a really pissy unpleasant and embarrassing thing to happen. I admire that.
Wombat48
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Re: the last time i went clubbing

Post by Wombat48 »

Thanks for sharing! Wish I had been that policeman!! 😀
ryan1990
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Re: the last time i went clubbing

Post by ryan1990 »

Awesome story. I’d love to be in a situation where somebody could see me having a genuine accident
Sam70
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Re: the last time i went clubbing

Post by Sam70 »

Pissing your pants may have saved you from being issued a big fine for pissing in public. The laws as well as the enforcement does vary a lot from place to place.

I also joyed reading a true story from your past. I am looking forward to reading your next story.
Fred
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Re: the last time i went clubbing

Post by Fred »

Those that go clubbing and drink too much probably run into this problem from time to time. Alcohol can numb the sensations from an overfull bladder as well as interfere with logic. If you've had several pints of beer you probably can't hold it and break the seal later on. Alleys convenient to the club may have CCTV and/or are good pickings for the police.
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