More Reddit - Storytime: Pooping or peeing your pants in the Army

[googlism2008]

https://www.reddit.com/r/army/comments/ ... _the_army/

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My story is in civilians. Idgaf I’m lit.

I was driving from Benning to Tennessee with my friends for a snowboarding trip. They were knocked out in the back, and I had to fuckin piss so god damn bad because I chugged that big size monster with the screwable lid.

I’m from San Diego, so I’ve never driven in snow, and it was snowing hard in middle of butt fuck nowhere Tennessee. So I did what any real man would fuckin do. Took the empty bottle and started to pee.

I can hear the bottle filling up, and I still have some more. Bottle fills up, still have more. Fuck.

I was stumbling around holding my dick so no more piss would come out with one hand, holding a monster bottle full of piss in the other hand, and steering the car with my knee in the fucking snow.

I put the monster bottle that’s uncapped in my cup holder... and I couldn’t find the cap. I was looking on the ground, under my seat, under my ass, everywhere. Still holding my dick, I roll down the window and got the bottle of piss and started to pour it out my window; I was afraid some of it would come back in and hit my sleeping friend in her face so I stuck that shit so far out my window it flew out of my hand. There are literally no other bottles in my car because I just cleaned it out.

I’m holding my dick and the feeling that I need to piss passes and I thought I was good. Nah. There was still some piss trapped inside my pipes. The rest spilled out everywhere on me.

I pulled over when we finally hit civilization and changed my pants. They never found out

Hoooahhhh

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First day of basic. Drinking a fuck ton of water because I am not used to the Sill heat and I have a genetically small bladder lead to me needing to go to the bathroom at times up to around 16 times per day (no shit, I counted). I pissed my pants first day in formation because I did not want to ask to go again. Luckily it was final formation and I was able to change before anyone notice.

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So I was driving down the road in some random spot of NTC. My chief was out the hatch and I had to piss really bad. After waiting for over an hour (I didn't expect us to be driving for 3+ hours) I knew I had to do something. We were in a convoy so I didn't want to make everybody stop for me to use the bathroom. I managed to piss in a gatorade bottle while driving 45 mph down a dirt road in NTC. That whole day my chief was screaming at me for not driving well, and I kid you not, while I was pissing in the bottle he said "Damn u/ghazzie, I didn't know you could drive this well, that's what I'm talking about!"

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Fort Sill 2014 BCT. We're doing the 16k back and it's so.fucking.cold and the wind is just insane. I wasn't feeling having to carry all this bullshit which I swear was half water because I had topped off my canteen n Camelback before we stepped off. I got the brilliant idea to just dump all the water since I had pissed at least six times that day. Started to ditch my canteen and got yelled at. I had just pissed before we stepped off so I figured maybe I can just chug my entire Camelback and save half a canteen for sipping due to the wind. It worked amazing. I feel like I could move so much easier now that some of the weight was distributed inside my body. Fast-forward about an hour and a half and I have to piss.so.fucking.bad I was in pain and falling behind. Took about five minutes of weighing my options and seeing an un-lit bend in the road and a little voice in my head goes "GO, YOU FOOL!" (Coincidentally sounded kind a like Gandalf) before I unleashed a torrent of piss I swear to God, as thick as a sharpie lasting an entire minute, and I just marched on as fast as possible to avoid getting caught in the LMTV's headlights as staggering amounts of piss started flicking off the toes of both boots; I started walking duck footed so that the piss would at least fly off to the side and not all over the guy in front of me. That fort Sill wind managed to dry me out in 10 minutes thankfully. finally back to the bays. I look forward to showering and changing even though quite frankly I never felt cleaner. Turns out we had a massive formation to do the beret thing. And goddamnit, they decided to pull a few guys to the front of the formation for recognition in exemplifying whatever Army values the drill sergeants thought we had done well with. I get tapped on my shoulder and told they just said my name. I go walking up there, boots audibly squishing, massive piss stain down the front of my ACUs. I gotta stand there at parade rest while my drill goes on and on about why he chose me to be recognized and I just see the entire formation leaning forward slightly and squinting at my pants. I get handed a coin and start off. I drop the goddamn coin and it goes rolling off back toward the font of formation so now I got to walk back up there again and they finally just start cracking up. Shockingly noone never said shit besides my tan boots look all water stained.

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Basic training range day. It was freezing cold so of course in wearing silk and waffle bottoms because Drill SGT couldn't see them.

I had to pee pretty bad so I start walking over to the porta john, and it starts getting worse and worse. Right when I open the door I feel it starting to come and I know I only have seconds.

So I go to just undo the top button and rip my pants down... But for some reason I though it be a great idea to tie my waistband in a unforgiving super tight knot. So I rush to my only other resort, and try to the the hole in my waffles, then silks, then boxers to find my junk in time to piss..

Well needless to say my efforts were worthless so I stood in the john pissing myself. I smelled like piss all day and somehow no one noticed or at least said anything to me

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I once peed myself after a run, I guess it was karma for laughing at the guy who needed to shit before we ran that morning. I definitely peed before PT, so I guess it was my time. Fortunately, dark PT shorts, dark lighting, plus it was already humid as fuck... I don't think anyone noticed.

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Instrument phase of flight school. It was February and we were on the night schedule. It was pretty cold for Alabama. We had even had a day cancelled because of snow.

Anyway, I had to piss while I was flying. I figured when we did the student change over I could water the tail boom and be done with it. Student change over time. I jumped out and went back to the tail boom. Whipped it out and, I don't know if it was the sudden blast of cold air or what but I was suddenly pee shy. Couldn't go.

I got back in the Huey in and sat in the jump seat. We took off. My stick buddy on the controls and the IP in the left seat. I really had to go. Then I remembered that we kept everything in zip loc bags. I took the checklist out of my pocket and took it out of the zip loc bag. I proceeded to pee into the zip loc bag and fill it up. Relief was at hand. As soon as I zipped it closed the pressure caused the 6 month old zip loc bag to start leaking at both lower corners. So there I am sitting in the back of a Huey, at night in February holding a zip loc back leaking urine all over the place. I thought about "pretending" the back door slid open and tossing it out. The emergency procedure for that was to slow the aircraft to 50 knots and close the door. I didn't want to mess up my stick buddies flight and I didn't want to get a pink slip for not securing the door when I got in. I threw the leaking bag of piss into my helmet back. It was quilted so it absorbed the piss very nicely.

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Marine Boot Camp- my platoon was fucking up and our drill instructors did not give us enough time to use the head after chow, then they thrashed the shit out of us. I pissed my pants while they had us in formation to yell at us. No one noticed.

Our platoon fuck-up pissed his pants during final inspection (which was in our dress uniform) just as our company commander got to him. He was a few ranks behind me in formation so all heard was "what the fuck? Youve got to be shitting me!" And then we see him running toward the barracks holding his cover on his head with our heavy running behind him screaming.

[Fred]

These are excellent! I'm sure that are thousands of other untold stories of overfull bladders in the armed services!

[Brian]

Great selection indeed! The army is such a great set-up for scenarios like these, with all those men having to ask permission to go when they've waited as long as they can, and sometimes not even daring to ask!