It's Christmas Time - and it's Danny again!
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Lee
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Re: It's Christmas Time - and it's Danny again!
Another installment tomorrow... and maybe a surprise twist?
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Adrian6970
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Lee
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Re: It's Christmas Time - and it's Danny again!
Wearing only a pair of light blue fleece bed shorts, emblazoned with little white heart shapes, Danny made his way blearily out into the kitchen where he was greeted by his fiancé Dawn holding up his grey track-suit bottoms by the waistband. They were soiled and dirty from his work and stained dark all down both legs from crotch to ankle on both the back and front. His still-soaking wet white underpants were lying on the floor on top of the soaking wet jeans and alongside his grubby sodden white football socks, with his even grubbier white trainers sitting on the table.
“What happened, Danny?” asked Dawn quietly and calmly in a genuine tone.
Unable to hide away from the damning evidence, Danny had little option than to confess all, explaining how he had once again ‘broken the seal’ and suffered devastating consequences, wetting himself at the station after finding the toilets busy and then disastrously going to the toilet in his mate Jack’s borrowed jeans after leaving it too late in the taxi home.
Dawn had said little in response. When her boyfriend had embarrassingly wet himself at the passport control desk at the airport almost two-and-a-half years earlier, she had convinced herself that it was an unfortunate one-off incident and even his repeat performance during the holiday could be put down to the fact that he’d been drinking. But she really needed to know why it had happened to him yet again, blissfully unaware that there had been another ‘wet mishap’ at his work 16 months ago.
A couple of hours later, Dawn had washed her boyfriend’s clothes and cleaned his trainers whilst he was still chilling, lounging around in a t-shirt, flannel shorts and grey trainer socks socks, watching television and playing on his phone. The serene atmosphere was interrupted by a ring at the doorbell and from the sofa, Danny heard a brief discussion at the door before his workmate Jay appeared in the room.
“Hello mate, fancy a pint?” he asked
Danny looked at Dawn as if querying whether he was permitted to go out, and as she just shrugged and nodded, he leapt to his feet, headed to the cupboard to get out his caterpillar work boots and just a couple of minutes later he was heading out of the door with Jay. As they walked down the street, wrapped up to protect themselves from the biting cold, Jay just had to ask, “So did she find out, mate? Your missus I mean. Does she know what you did last night?”
Danny nodded silently.
“Christ mate, what did she say? How did she react?”
Danny shrugged his shoulders.
“It happened, didn’t it? What is there to say?”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But … well, pissing yourself, like. I’d have been a bit embarrassed to face her this morning to be honest.”
No more was said about Danny’s accident until the two of them were in the warmth of the pub and nestled into a cosy corner next to a crackling log fire, radiating a lovely burning warmth around their legs and feet.
“Thing is mate” said Danny, opening up in characteristic honesty, but in a way not normally shared with a workmate, “I’m going to tell you something else.”
“Oh” replied a surprised Jay. “Really? What?”
“It’s not the first time” whispered Danny.
Jay laughed out loud. “I know that mate! I was there when you pissed on the pavement, wee’d all through your shorts and down your legs!! Don’t you remember when I lent you my own undies to get you home?”
Danny glanced round tentatively to make sure no-one had heard Jay’s raucous comment.
“No, no. I don’t meant then. I mean a couple of years back, she saw me wet myself again.”
Jay looked astounded as Danny continued.
“Do you remember when me mum and dad treated me and her to that holiday in Portugal? Well, on the way I had a few beers at the airport and then broke the seal by having a wee on the plane but the sods locked the bogs and I’ll tell you mate, I was gagging like I hadn’t been for ages. I managed to last out – just – but then ended up pissing myself in front of everyone in the queue at the passport desk.”
Jay was open-mouthed.
“Tell me you’re joking, mate. In front of your mum and dad, too?”
Danny nodded, “Yep, in front of everyone. I had to get on the coach in pissed-in jeans. The centre of attention I was.”
“Jesus!” exclaimed Jay.
“But then…” added Danny furtively, “I did it again on a night out in town during the holiday. Same thing happened, I went for a wee, found myself having to go again and we couldn’t find a toilet. I did it in my pants out in the street, with Dawn watching.”
If the second part of the confession left Jay speechless, he was rendered near-muted as Danny revealed, “Oh yeah. And I pissed the bed too that same night.”
Oh my effing God, mate!” Jay whispered, “All that as well as peeing your pants last year?”
“Uh-huh” nodded Danny, slightly ashamed and embarrassed but almost relieved to have someone hear the full sorry saga. Everyone, including Dawn and his parents and work-mates knew of some of the incidents but this was the first time he had let it all out to one individual.
“So how did you feel when you did it last night, in front of us again?” asked Jay with genuine inquisitiveness?
“Well, I’ve got something to confess there, an’ all” whispered Danny. “You know I borrowed Jack’s jeans? I did it again on the way back. I was fucking busting in the taxi and I left it a bit late to ask him to stop. When he did I couldn’t find anywhere to go and then a sodding copper appeared and wouldn’t let me go up against a well. I couldn’t wait another second and did a massive piss in Jack’s jeans. For fuck’s sake don’t tell him, mate. Please! Dawn's washed them this morning.”
“Danny pal, you’ve got a serious problem there, mate!” said Jay.
“Nah” replied Danny, “it’s just when I break the seal after a few beers. I have one piss and the floodgates open and I can’t hold it back. I’ve just been dead unlucky every time, all sorts of things have conspired against me. Locked toilets, no toilets, bastard coppers, that sort of thing, you know. Every time I’ve had to piss in my pants, no choice. I couldn’t help doing it.”
“You’re not embarrassed?”
“Well yeah, of course I am mate, bloody mortified. But like I said, I can’t change what’s happened.”
Jay was intrigued, “So you seriously struggle with the breaking-the-seal-thingy?”
“Terrible” admitted Danny, “it’s a complete pain in the arse for me. That second piss becomes so urgent I can’t keep it in, no matter where I am.”
"When did that start happening then? Or have you always been like that?”
Danny looked Jay directly in the eyes, staring intently for a brief second, before saying, “If you fucking breathe a word of this mate, to anyone, I’ll bloody throttle you” and he grimaced in anxious fashion as Jay just shook his head to confirm his agreement.
“The first time it ever happened I was 19” confessed Danny. “My cousin got married and we all went to the wedding, all the family, you know. All the blokes went to the pub before the ceremony, and of course, me being me, I had a really quick couple of pints before we went to the church. I had a quick piss before we left the pub and when we got to the church, I wondered why most of the fellas went and found a place in the back pews. My mum and dad had left me a place in the front row alongside them and so I had to squeeze along the pew past everyone and right to the end. The wedding ceremony had only just started and I realised I was dying for a piss again already!”
“You were suited and booted?” enquired a fascinated Jay.
“Oh yeah. Smart dark grey suit, white shirt, tie, etc. Brand new shoes – the full works!”
“So what the F happened?”
“I’ll tell you mate, I can remember it even now. I was gagging like I couldn’t believe. They’d only got through the first hymn or something and I couldn’t believe how bad I had to go. I knew there was no way I could last out right through the service and when we had to sit down and stand up again, I was in serious bloody pain. Only about another 10 minutes in and I was panicking so bad I had to whisper to me mum that I was going to have to go out to the toilet or have an accident but she just said something like ‘don’t you dare even think about it!’ Christ, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I only got through another three or four minutes and I just said to my old girl that I was going to wet myself if I didn’t go out!”
Jay was still agog at the new revelation as Danny continued to tell his story in a low voice.
“But just then mate, with me on the absolute verge of pissing myself, they had some daft thing involving butterflies being released when the vows were made and right at that minute, two women suddenly appeared in the aisle pushing a flowery trolley with two baskets of, I dunno, butterflies I suppose, and they stopped right in the middle of the aisle at the end of our front row. Even if it had been an emergency of any kind, no-one would have been able to get out past them, whatever the reason.”
“Blimey, you don’t half have some bad lack in such situations” sympathised Jay, “So what happened next, or dare I ask?”
“I pissed my pants, didn’t I?” Danny felt his cheeks blushing slightly next to the warmth of the crackling fire.
“Fuck!” exclaimed Jay.
“Yeah, I know.” Danny continued, “I just couldn’t believe it. I was frigging 19-years old and I was sitting there wetting my pants in church. I did it all in my suit and everything. Once I’d started going I just couldn’t stop and I just sat there pissing and pissing for England, right in my pants. I just remember feeling it all gushing down my legs and as I looked down I could see all the piss running down my socks and all over my shoes and onto the floor of the church. It was fucking horrific, mate, Horrific.”
“Did anyone see?” asked Jay.
“Yeah obviously” replied Danny. “My mum saw what was happening and I think other people heard it too because the church was so quiet, you know, splashing off the pew and all that. Jeez mate, I’d never pissed so much in all my life. I remember when I looked down I had light grey socks on and they were all dark-coloured and light brown brogues which looked like I’d poured a pint all over them. Massive frigging puddle all round my feet too. As I said, horrific, mate.”
“How did everyone react, then?” asked Jay, still full of questions.
“My cousin didn’t say much but the bride’s family were furious, said I’d ruined the day by wetting myself, having too much to drink, etc. I think they were all just embarrassed really. My dad drove me home and I missed the reception, not that I’d have wanted to go back there really. That was the first time I found I couldn’t wait after breaking the seal.”
"You might have to wear a nappy on nights out in future, Dan?”
“Don’t mock” half-laughed Danny, “I’m thinking about it… only joking! Might be the answer though, I can just sit here and piss myself to my heart’s content.”
Both lads grinned to each other but then Danny asked a more serious question.
“Why are you so interested though, mate? You helped me out last night otherwise I’d have never found a taxi to even get me home. And when I wet myself at work, you lent me your pants, dried my own undies and socks for me. What’s made you help me out like that when none of the others would have even thought about it?”
Jay looked a bit awkward. Perhaps it was finally time to reveal his own confession?
“What happened, Danny?” asked Dawn quietly and calmly in a genuine tone.
Unable to hide away from the damning evidence, Danny had little option than to confess all, explaining how he had once again ‘broken the seal’ and suffered devastating consequences, wetting himself at the station after finding the toilets busy and then disastrously going to the toilet in his mate Jack’s borrowed jeans after leaving it too late in the taxi home.
Dawn had said little in response. When her boyfriend had embarrassingly wet himself at the passport control desk at the airport almost two-and-a-half years earlier, she had convinced herself that it was an unfortunate one-off incident and even his repeat performance during the holiday could be put down to the fact that he’d been drinking. But she really needed to know why it had happened to him yet again, blissfully unaware that there had been another ‘wet mishap’ at his work 16 months ago.
A couple of hours later, Dawn had washed her boyfriend’s clothes and cleaned his trainers whilst he was still chilling, lounging around in a t-shirt, flannel shorts and grey trainer socks socks, watching television and playing on his phone. The serene atmosphere was interrupted by a ring at the doorbell and from the sofa, Danny heard a brief discussion at the door before his workmate Jay appeared in the room.
“Hello mate, fancy a pint?” he asked
Danny looked at Dawn as if querying whether he was permitted to go out, and as she just shrugged and nodded, he leapt to his feet, headed to the cupboard to get out his caterpillar work boots and just a couple of minutes later he was heading out of the door with Jay. As they walked down the street, wrapped up to protect themselves from the biting cold, Jay just had to ask, “So did she find out, mate? Your missus I mean. Does she know what you did last night?”
Danny nodded silently.
“Christ mate, what did she say? How did she react?”
Danny shrugged his shoulders.
“It happened, didn’t it? What is there to say?”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But … well, pissing yourself, like. I’d have been a bit embarrassed to face her this morning to be honest.”
No more was said about Danny’s accident until the two of them were in the warmth of the pub and nestled into a cosy corner next to a crackling log fire, radiating a lovely burning warmth around their legs and feet.
“Thing is mate” said Danny, opening up in characteristic honesty, but in a way not normally shared with a workmate, “I’m going to tell you something else.”
“Oh” replied a surprised Jay. “Really? What?”
“It’s not the first time” whispered Danny.
Jay laughed out loud. “I know that mate! I was there when you pissed on the pavement, wee’d all through your shorts and down your legs!! Don’t you remember when I lent you my own undies to get you home?”
Danny glanced round tentatively to make sure no-one had heard Jay’s raucous comment.
“No, no. I don’t meant then. I mean a couple of years back, she saw me wet myself again.”
Jay looked astounded as Danny continued.
“Do you remember when me mum and dad treated me and her to that holiday in Portugal? Well, on the way I had a few beers at the airport and then broke the seal by having a wee on the plane but the sods locked the bogs and I’ll tell you mate, I was gagging like I hadn’t been for ages. I managed to last out – just – but then ended up pissing myself in front of everyone in the queue at the passport desk.”
Jay was open-mouthed.
“Tell me you’re joking, mate. In front of your mum and dad, too?”
Danny nodded, “Yep, in front of everyone. I had to get on the coach in pissed-in jeans. The centre of attention I was.”
“Jesus!” exclaimed Jay.
“But then…” added Danny furtively, “I did it again on a night out in town during the holiday. Same thing happened, I went for a wee, found myself having to go again and we couldn’t find a toilet. I did it in my pants out in the street, with Dawn watching.”
If the second part of the confession left Jay speechless, he was rendered near-muted as Danny revealed, “Oh yeah. And I pissed the bed too that same night.”
Oh my effing God, mate!” Jay whispered, “All that as well as peeing your pants last year?”
“Uh-huh” nodded Danny, slightly ashamed and embarrassed but almost relieved to have someone hear the full sorry saga. Everyone, including Dawn and his parents and work-mates knew of some of the incidents but this was the first time he had let it all out to one individual.
“So how did you feel when you did it last night, in front of us again?” asked Jay with genuine inquisitiveness?
“Well, I’ve got something to confess there, an’ all” whispered Danny. “You know I borrowed Jack’s jeans? I did it again on the way back. I was fucking busting in the taxi and I left it a bit late to ask him to stop. When he did I couldn’t find anywhere to go and then a sodding copper appeared and wouldn’t let me go up against a well. I couldn’t wait another second and did a massive piss in Jack’s jeans. For fuck’s sake don’t tell him, mate. Please! Dawn's washed them this morning.”
“Danny pal, you’ve got a serious problem there, mate!” said Jay.
“Nah” replied Danny, “it’s just when I break the seal after a few beers. I have one piss and the floodgates open and I can’t hold it back. I’ve just been dead unlucky every time, all sorts of things have conspired against me. Locked toilets, no toilets, bastard coppers, that sort of thing, you know. Every time I’ve had to piss in my pants, no choice. I couldn’t help doing it.”
“You’re not embarrassed?”
“Well yeah, of course I am mate, bloody mortified. But like I said, I can’t change what’s happened.”
Jay was intrigued, “So you seriously struggle with the breaking-the-seal-thingy?”
“Terrible” admitted Danny, “it’s a complete pain in the arse for me. That second piss becomes so urgent I can’t keep it in, no matter where I am.”
"When did that start happening then? Or have you always been like that?”
Danny looked Jay directly in the eyes, staring intently for a brief second, before saying, “If you fucking breathe a word of this mate, to anyone, I’ll bloody throttle you” and he grimaced in anxious fashion as Jay just shook his head to confirm his agreement.
“The first time it ever happened I was 19” confessed Danny. “My cousin got married and we all went to the wedding, all the family, you know. All the blokes went to the pub before the ceremony, and of course, me being me, I had a really quick couple of pints before we went to the church. I had a quick piss before we left the pub and when we got to the church, I wondered why most of the fellas went and found a place in the back pews. My mum and dad had left me a place in the front row alongside them and so I had to squeeze along the pew past everyone and right to the end. The wedding ceremony had only just started and I realised I was dying for a piss again already!”
“You were suited and booted?” enquired a fascinated Jay.
“Oh yeah. Smart dark grey suit, white shirt, tie, etc. Brand new shoes – the full works!”
“So what the F happened?”
“I’ll tell you mate, I can remember it even now. I was gagging like I couldn’t believe. They’d only got through the first hymn or something and I couldn’t believe how bad I had to go. I knew there was no way I could last out right through the service and when we had to sit down and stand up again, I was in serious bloody pain. Only about another 10 minutes in and I was panicking so bad I had to whisper to me mum that I was going to have to go out to the toilet or have an accident but she just said something like ‘don’t you dare even think about it!’ Christ, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I only got through another three or four minutes and I just said to my old girl that I was going to wet myself if I didn’t go out!”
Jay was still agog at the new revelation as Danny continued to tell his story in a low voice.
“But just then mate, with me on the absolute verge of pissing myself, they had some daft thing involving butterflies being released when the vows were made and right at that minute, two women suddenly appeared in the aisle pushing a flowery trolley with two baskets of, I dunno, butterflies I suppose, and they stopped right in the middle of the aisle at the end of our front row. Even if it had been an emergency of any kind, no-one would have been able to get out past them, whatever the reason.”
“Blimey, you don’t half have some bad lack in such situations” sympathised Jay, “So what happened next, or dare I ask?”
“I pissed my pants, didn’t I?” Danny felt his cheeks blushing slightly next to the warmth of the crackling fire.
“Fuck!” exclaimed Jay.
“Yeah, I know.” Danny continued, “I just couldn’t believe it. I was frigging 19-years old and I was sitting there wetting my pants in church. I did it all in my suit and everything. Once I’d started going I just couldn’t stop and I just sat there pissing and pissing for England, right in my pants. I just remember feeling it all gushing down my legs and as I looked down I could see all the piss running down my socks and all over my shoes and onto the floor of the church. It was fucking horrific, mate, Horrific.”
“Did anyone see?” asked Jay.
“Yeah obviously” replied Danny. “My mum saw what was happening and I think other people heard it too because the church was so quiet, you know, splashing off the pew and all that. Jeez mate, I’d never pissed so much in all my life. I remember when I looked down I had light grey socks on and they were all dark-coloured and light brown brogues which looked like I’d poured a pint all over them. Massive frigging puddle all round my feet too. As I said, horrific, mate.”
“How did everyone react, then?” asked Jay, still full of questions.
“My cousin didn’t say much but the bride’s family were furious, said I’d ruined the day by wetting myself, having too much to drink, etc. I think they were all just embarrassed really. My dad drove me home and I missed the reception, not that I’d have wanted to go back there really. That was the first time I found I couldn’t wait after breaking the seal.”
"You might have to wear a nappy on nights out in future, Dan?”
“Don’t mock” half-laughed Danny, “I’m thinking about it… only joking! Might be the answer though, I can just sit here and piss myself to my heart’s content.”
Both lads grinned to each other but then Danny asked a more serious question.
“Why are you so interested though, mate? You helped me out last night otherwise I’d have never found a taxi to even get me home. And when I wet myself at work, you lent me your pants, dried my own undies and socks for me. What’s made you help me out like that when none of the others would have even thought about it?”
Jay looked a bit awkward. Perhaps it was finally time to reveal his own confession?
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Brian
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Re: It's Christmas Time - and it's Danny again!
It was clear earlier, wasn't it, that Jay would be the colleague that Danny could open up to if there was anyone. What a great new revelation he tells as well (in addition to the familiar ones which we've heard about with Danny before). Wedding service with butterflies... that's quite a scene, isn't it?
This is seriously great, as we're all used to from you, and I for one am loving this and excited to hear more from these two guys.
This is seriously great, as we're all used to from you, and I for one am loving this and excited to hear more from these two guys.
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Adrian6970
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Re: It's Christmas Time - and it's Danny again!
This is fantastic, Lee. I'm looking forward to more. Please keep it going.
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Fred
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Re: It's Christmas Time - and it's Danny again!
Danny, you blame the accidents on "breaking the seal". Well, don't break the seal. Hold it. 
Yeah, sure you can…. 
Yeah, sure you can…. -
Lee
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Re: It's Christmas Time - and it's Danny again!
Danny isn't the brightest tool in the box, is he?
But you have to admit that he's been very unfortunate on every occasion, with circumstances conspiring against him each time.
But you have to admit that he's been very unfortunate on every occasion, with circumstances conspiring against him each time.
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Wombat48
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Re: It's Christmas Time - and it's Danny again!
Great new chapter! Can't wait to hear what happens next
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Fred
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Re: It's Christmas Time - and it's Danny again!
I have read that the part of the brain in men that deals with planning and understanding consequences may not fully develop until age 26. Danny clearly is very "undeveloped"!
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Lee
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Re: It's Christmas Time - and it's Danny again!
Back at Danny’s parents’ house, his mum was making herself a coffee, having just come off the phone to Dawn. The two of them had enjoyed a girly chat about all sorts of things and although no mention at all had been made of Danny, it had crossed Dawn’s mind to reveal what had happened the previous night. She really knew she wanted to talk to someone about it and she always felt comfortable with his mum but she couldn’t bring herself to raise the subject. Little did she know that her own mum was dying to see her to tell her what she and Dawn’s dad had seen outside the railway station on their way home from the theatre!
Now in the kitchen preparing the coffee, Danny’s mum was, for no real reason, reflecting on the past and she had been flicking through some photographs she had gathered together for the family to look at. In amongst the pictures were some photos of her nephew Gary’s wedding around seven years ago. She had glanced at the photos and decided to tuck them away somewhere in case they caused any sort of embarrassment to family members, especially her son Danny who wasn’t in the various wedding group shots. When they were taken he had been on his way back home in his dad’s car after wetting himself during the church service!!
His mum poured the coffee and recalled various flashbacks to the fateful day…
She remembered Danny sitting right next to her and squirming and fidgeting uncomfortably on the wooden pew…
She remembered him looking at her with a wide-eyed, panic-stricken expression…
She recalled his hushed and whispered plea “Mum, I’ve GOT to go out to the toilet!”
She remembered nudging his dad next to her and nodding in their son’s direction as he was sitting with his legs clamped tightly together…
As the memory became vivid, Danny’s mum almost winced at the recollection.
She remembered his anguished and hardly audible whimper of “Mum, I’m going to wet myself!” as they realised they were penned in by the butterfly girls with their crates in the aisle.
And she remembered looking down and seeing a trickle of clear liquid running off the wooden pew and dribbling down between his legs onto the concrete church floor.
The memory of 19-year old Danny’s grey suit trousers starting to turn dark all over his crotch area and turning a darker shade all down his legs was stomach-churning ever after all these years, as was the urine streaming off his seat and puddling all round his new tan-coloured brogue shoes that she had seen him spending ages trying on and slipping on and off in front of the hall mirror.
She clearly remembered leaning forwards slightly and seeing his lower legs clasped tightly together at his ankles and watching his light grey socks darken with wetness, and then looking along the pew in the opposite direction as other members of the congregation started to strain their necks to see what they scarcely believed could be happening to the somewhat cocky teenager..
And she remembered the groom and best man turning their heads slightly, glancing at the rapidly spreading pool around Danny’s shoes and then looking at each other in sheer horror.
Finally, there was the memory of Danny standing up when the ceremony ended, revealing his soaking wet suit trousers to everyone, and shame-facedly walking bow-legged out of the church to his dad’s car to be driven home, leaving her to face the barrage of comments and questions from numerous other family members.
As she finished making the coffee, she almost shook her head in disbelief at such a thing happening – but then she remembered their holiday in Portugal and the scene at the airport as well as last year when her scaffolder son had come from work with a plastic carrier bag containing a pair of sodden shorts and wet pants and socks.
Danny had since moved out and into a flat with his fiancé Dawn. Hopefully all that sort of stuff was now firmly in his past as he started a new and more responsible life.
Meanwhile, back at their flat, Dawn was also making herself a cup a tea following her telephone chat with Danny’s mum. She had no knowledge of her boyfriend’s accident in his pants when he’d been at work but she was, of course, fully aware of what had happened at the passport control desk on that holiday. That was possibly one of the most embarrassing things she had ever experienced as her gorgeous, in her eyes anyway, boyfriend had wet himself after a titanic struggle to contain himself on the plane and subsequent bus journey. He had stood spectacularly doing it in his pants in the middle of the airport with literally hundreds of people in the vicinity, including his mum and dad.
Fortunately, his parents did not know of the events of the night later in the week when they had been out at the bar and Danny hadn’t been able to find a toilet in time. But the mystery of why a member of the hotel staff had handed Danny back a pair of his pants and socks as they checked out on leaving at the end of the holiday had never really been properly resolved.
But as for last night – whatever was she was to make of that? Accidents happen of course, but surely not more than once, and not to fit 26-year old lads?
As she was contemplating whether to say anything to Danny’s mum, there was a ring at the doorbell. Dawn put down her tea and opened the front-door to be greeted by a tall grinning lad.
“Hi love, is Danny in? I’m Jack, I work with him – don’t ask why” he smirked, “but he borrowed my jeans last night, I’ve come to collect them.”
Dawn invited him in with some trepidation. She didn’t know whether the washed jeans would be dry yet and yes, she did know why Danny had borrowed them, but was Jack going to be keen to find out exactly why they’d been washed?
As she was on her way to check the state of the jeans and deciding what to say to Jack who was busy removing his boots, the phone rang and she picked it up off the kitchen table.
“Dawn, its mum here, are you okay? I know I text you ever so late last night and said that me and your dad had seen Danny outside the station but I’ve been wondering whether to tell you what we actually saw him doing… you’re not going to believe this if I tell you…”
Dawn glanced into the lounge and saw Jack standing, hands in pockets, staring directly at the indoor hanging dryer, on which hung Jack’s own jeans, Danny’s grey tracksuit bottom trousers and a pair of white briefs along with two white football socks.
Which one was she going to converse with first – Mum or Jack?
Back in the pub, Danny had pulled his chair a little closer to the table as his mate started to speak.
At 24-years old Jay was a slim but well-built lad, a couple of years younger than Danny and with a tendency to always look smart and well-turned out, even amidst the often scruffy work-gear of the scaffolding trade. He had worked for the scaffolding firm for more than five years after initially joining the company as an apprentice and as a result he had seen numerous work-mates come and go without ever really forming a close friendship with any of them during the years. Despite his length of service, he wasn’t the noisiest or loudest of the crew and consequently he was often seemingly overtaken in seniority ranks by some of the other lads. He wasn’t the greatest drinker either and none of them could ever recall seeing him steaming drunk, although that wasn’t to say he didn’t enjoy a good drink.
“You see, the thing is Dan, in some ways I’ve got the opposite problem to you, mate. I don’t piss enough, I know that, but I never seem to want to go. I can sometimes knock back several pints and I still don’t find myself needing a piss bad.”
“Swop you, then!” grinned Danny, “I’ll definitely have some of that!”
“No, listen” replied Jay, “although I often can go all night without having a piss that causes me some problems of its own. I don’t have the ‘breaking-the-seal’ issue like you, though.”
“So where’s the problem, you lucky sod!” asked Danny.
“Because sometimes I hold on for so long that I don’t realise how full I am or how bad I have to go until, well, I really have to go, and I mean really, mate!”
“Like almost pissing yourself, you mean” retorted Danny
Jay looked a bit awkward and uncomfortable.
“Well a bit, but what I mean is that I find myself with my bladder about to burst and I don’t always realise it, especially if say I’m sitting down or something. Then I stand up and realise just how bad it is. That probably sounds daft and I’ve often wanted to talk to someone but it’s not exactly the thing to do really, mate, is it?”
“You can talk to me mate, talk to me about anything” offered Danny warmly.
Jay felt himself reddening slightly.
“The point is, mate. Last year I did something I’ve never ever done in my life, only a few weeks before you pissed yourself in the street at work. I suppose that’s why it resonated with me so much because I was still getting over it. So when you wet yourself I just felt like I needed to help out.”
“You did piss yourself, then?”
“I don’t even want to say it, mate. I’ve really struggled to come to terms with what happened.”
…and with that, Jay began to recount his story.
As a big fan of Crystal Palace football club, Jay was a regular attender at home games and on odd occasions, when work permitted, he travelled to away games with his mates and with the last match of the season being away at Swansea, he’d taken a rare opportunity to travel on the club-arranged supporters coach. Along with his mates he’d been in the pub before leaving and a few pints later they’d all jumped on their allocated coach.
With an on-board toilet facility, they had been told that under no circumstances would any coach in the convoy be stopping and one-by-one Jay’s mates, and numerous others, had made regular trips to the tiny toilet facility in the middle of the bus. Jay hadn’t been to the toilet at all and although every jolt of the bus had sent a stabbing twinge through his bladder, he was comfortable and confident enough to pass it off as he sat back tightly in his seat, hardly moving a muscle during the near-two-and-a-half-hour journey.
When the coaches arrived close to the stadium, everyone started to stand up, stretching and getting prepared in readiness for disembarking. Jay stood up and as he did so he realised just how full and uncomfortable his bladder was. In fact he was more than full to bursting and, wracked in pain with his stomach aching, he had a sudden awful sensation that he was weeing uncontrollably. Straining every sinew and muscle he quickly realised that he was not urinating but his need to go was a phenomenal one and he was hugely relieved that they had arrived before he’d stood up and moved.
“Do you know what Dan, it was the first time in my life I was nearly wetting myself, I seriously was. I couldn’t believe how bad I had to go. I couldn’t say anything because my mates would have laughed as I’d sat there all the way so I would have sounded a right dick if I’d suddenly said it was that bad, so I just joined everyone else in waiting to get off. I was right near the front of the coach and the aisle behind me was packed so I couldn’t have got back to the toilet even if I’d wanted but as I stood there I was absolutely dying for a piss. We waited and waited and waited, everyone was yelling after a while but the coppers wouldn’t let us open the doors. We must have been waiting about 10 minutes in the end and I was in fucking agony. I kept wondering whether to try and push past everyone to get back but I just knew that as soon as I did, they’d let us off and everyone would start moving, you know, sod’s law.
Anyway, eventually they started to let us off but then stopped everyone again and by now I was on the steps of the coach with a massive crowd in front of me and a huge queue behind me. I was as close to pissing myself as I’ve ever been and I was panicking like fuck mate, you wouldn’t believe it.
All of a sudden, some of those waiting behind started getting impatient and someone started pushing. We were all trying to hold them back and but I had to strain to hold myself in place and I was thinking ‘oh fuck, I’m going to wet myself!’ because my stomach was about to explode. I think I did almost actually start going although I’m not sure because suddenly there was an almighty surge and I was just propelled forward, pushing smack-bang into those ahead of me and as some of them fell forwards, I went down the steps like a rocket-launcher, completely lost my footing and found myself bloody catapulted down about three steps and I stumbled and fell into people as if I had no legs, completely lost my co-ordination.
Before I realised it, I was standing there in the middle of everyone … pissing myself like a racehorse!”
“Wow!” said Danny.
“Jesus mate, I’d never pissed like that ever before. I just lost it totally and fucking wet myself, I was standing pissing in my pants and I couldn’t stop. I don’t know if anyone noticed at first because they were all yelling and shouting about the delay but of course, as soon as someone saw, everyone was looking and that was it, I wanted to fucking die on the spot mate.
Eventually some of the coppers came over and one of them pulled me to one side as the queue started moving but I couldn’t even stop going, I just couldn’t stop pissing in my jeans. A few of the lads were sort of patting me on the shoulder as they went past but it was unreal mate, awful, the worst moment of my entire life. I’d wet myself like a little kid in front of everyone. Talk about fucking embarrassed, I can’t tell you.”
“What’d you do then?” asked an expressionless Danny.
“Nothing mate, I had to stand there until everyone had gone past, then the coppers just let me go and follow on. They wouldn’t let me back on the coach so I had to go into the game like it. My jeans, my pants, my socks, my trainers – everything was saturated, I have never ever been as uncomfortable in my whole life. Loads of people kept coming up to me as asking if I was okay and stuff. I couldn’t get out of my wet things until I got home about eight o’clock that night. It was totally horrific, mate.”
“Blimey! I bet the old jeans were chaffing a bit by then!” said Danny.
Jay let out a huge sigh, blowing out his cheeks and letting his shoulders slump in apparent relief.
“I have never ever told anyone that before, mate. Of course everyone knows what happened, apart from the lads at work, but I’ve just clammed up. I’ve never mentioned it again to my family and I’ve never spoken about how it felt before. That’s a burden off my shoulders, mate I can tell you. That’s why I wanted to help when it happened to you just a few weeks later. I knew how you’d have been feeling and that’s why I lent you my pants, dried your socks and all that. It was still really fresh in my mind what had happened so I couldn’t help myself helping out.”
Danny lent right forward and patted Jay’s knee before squeezing his mate’s thigh tightly.
“Good on you, mate, I appreciated that. Look, you know how many times I’ve pissed myself. My biggest concern now is others finding out about all the different times. I’m just praying Jack doesn’t turn up at my place to collect those poxy jeans when Dawn’s in, that’d be a nightmare if he talks to her or if she tells him why they’ve been washed. Even worse, I still don’t know exactly what Dawn’s mum and dad saw me doing last night. And I still worry about Dawn, my mum and her mum getting together over a coffee sometime. Can you imagine that? Shit!
Anyway, we’ll have to go for a few beers in town one night – I’ll break the seal and you can hang on as long as possible, and then we’ll see which one of us comes closest to pissing our pants first!”
“Deal! You’re on, mate!” grinned Jay.
With that, the quiet atmosphere of the pub was shattered as a loud voice called out, “Oi Oi! What’s up pissy knickers!” and Jack walked in brazenly, holding a pair of folded up jeans under his arm.
“Oh God! What did he know?!”
Now in the kitchen preparing the coffee, Danny’s mum was, for no real reason, reflecting on the past and she had been flicking through some photographs she had gathered together for the family to look at. In amongst the pictures were some photos of her nephew Gary’s wedding around seven years ago. She had glanced at the photos and decided to tuck them away somewhere in case they caused any sort of embarrassment to family members, especially her son Danny who wasn’t in the various wedding group shots. When they were taken he had been on his way back home in his dad’s car after wetting himself during the church service!!
His mum poured the coffee and recalled various flashbacks to the fateful day…
She remembered Danny sitting right next to her and squirming and fidgeting uncomfortably on the wooden pew…
She remembered him looking at her with a wide-eyed, panic-stricken expression…
She recalled his hushed and whispered plea “Mum, I’ve GOT to go out to the toilet!”
She remembered nudging his dad next to her and nodding in their son’s direction as he was sitting with his legs clamped tightly together…
As the memory became vivid, Danny’s mum almost winced at the recollection.
She remembered his anguished and hardly audible whimper of “Mum, I’m going to wet myself!” as they realised they were penned in by the butterfly girls with their crates in the aisle.
And she remembered looking down and seeing a trickle of clear liquid running off the wooden pew and dribbling down between his legs onto the concrete church floor.
The memory of 19-year old Danny’s grey suit trousers starting to turn dark all over his crotch area and turning a darker shade all down his legs was stomach-churning ever after all these years, as was the urine streaming off his seat and puddling all round his new tan-coloured brogue shoes that she had seen him spending ages trying on and slipping on and off in front of the hall mirror.
She clearly remembered leaning forwards slightly and seeing his lower legs clasped tightly together at his ankles and watching his light grey socks darken with wetness, and then looking along the pew in the opposite direction as other members of the congregation started to strain their necks to see what they scarcely believed could be happening to the somewhat cocky teenager..
And she remembered the groom and best man turning their heads slightly, glancing at the rapidly spreading pool around Danny’s shoes and then looking at each other in sheer horror.
Finally, there was the memory of Danny standing up when the ceremony ended, revealing his soaking wet suit trousers to everyone, and shame-facedly walking bow-legged out of the church to his dad’s car to be driven home, leaving her to face the barrage of comments and questions from numerous other family members.
As she finished making the coffee, she almost shook her head in disbelief at such a thing happening – but then she remembered their holiday in Portugal and the scene at the airport as well as last year when her scaffolder son had come from work with a plastic carrier bag containing a pair of sodden shorts and wet pants and socks.
Danny had since moved out and into a flat with his fiancé Dawn. Hopefully all that sort of stuff was now firmly in his past as he started a new and more responsible life.
Meanwhile, back at their flat, Dawn was also making herself a cup a tea following her telephone chat with Danny’s mum. She had no knowledge of her boyfriend’s accident in his pants when he’d been at work but she was, of course, fully aware of what had happened at the passport control desk on that holiday. That was possibly one of the most embarrassing things she had ever experienced as her gorgeous, in her eyes anyway, boyfriend had wet himself after a titanic struggle to contain himself on the plane and subsequent bus journey. He had stood spectacularly doing it in his pants in the middle of the airport with literally hundreds of people in the vicinity, including his mum and dad.
Fortunately, his parents did not know of the events of the night later in the week when they had been out at the bar and Danny hadn’t been able to find a toilet in time. But the mystery of why a member of the hotel staff had handed Danny back a pair of his pants and socks as they checked out on leaving at the end of the holiday had never really been properly resolved.
But as for last night – whatever was she was to make of that? Accidents happen of course, but surely not more than once, and not to fit 26-year old lads?
As she was contemplating whether to say anything to Danny’s mum, there was a ring at the doorbell. Dawn put down her tea and opened the front-door to be greeted by a tall grinning lad.
“Hi love, is Danny in? I’m Jack, I work with him – don’t ask why” he smirked, “but he borrowed my jeans last night, I’ve come to collect them.”
Dawn invited him in with some trepidation. She didn’t know whether the washed jeans would be dry yet and yes, she did know why Danny had borrowed them, but was Jack going to be keen to find out exactly why they’d been washed?
As she was on her way to check the state of the jeans and deciding what to say to Jack who was busy removing his boots, the phone rang and she picked it up off the kitchen table.
“Dawn, its mum here, are you okay? I know I text you ever so late last night and said that me and your dad had seen Danny outside the station but I’ve been wondering whether to tell you what we actually saw him doing… you’re not going to believe this if I tell you…”
Dawn glanced into the lounge and saw Jack standing, hands in pockets, staring directly at the indoor hanging dryer, on which hung Jack’s own jeans, Danny’s grey tracksuit bottom trousers and a pair of white briefs along with two white football socks.
Which one was she going to converse with first – Mum or Jack?
Back in the pub, Danny had pulled his chair a little closer to the table as his mate started to speak.
At 24-years old Jay was a slim but well-built lad, a couple of years younger than Danny and with a tendency to always look smart and well-turned out, even amidst the often scruffy work-gear of the scaffolding trade. He had worked for the scaffolding firm for more than five years after initially joining the company as an apprentice and as a result he had seen numerous work-mates come and go without ever really forming a close friendship with any of them during the years. Despite his length of service, he wasn’t the noisiest or loudest of the crew and consequently he was often seemingly overtaken in seniority ranks by some of the other lads. He wasn’t the greatest drinker either and none of them could ever recall seeing him steaming drunk, although that wasn’t to say he didn’t enjoy a good drink.
“You see, the thing is Dan, in some ways I’ve got the opposite problem to you, mate. I don’t piss enough, I know that, but I never seem to want to go. I can sometimes knock back several pints and I still don’t find myself needing a piss bad.”
“Swop you, then!” grinned Danny, “I’ll definitely have some of that!”
“No, listen” replied Jay, “although I often can go all night without having a piss that causes me some problems of its own. I don’t have the ‘breaking-the-seal’ issue like you, though.”
“So where’s the problem, you lucky sod!” asked Danny.
“Because sometimes I hold on for so long that I don’t realise how full I am or how bad I have to go until, well, I really have to go, and I mean really, mate!”
“Like almost pissing yourself, you mean” retorted Danny
Jay looked a bit awkward and uncomfortable.
“Well a bit, but what I mean is that I find myself with my bladder about to burst and I don’t always realise it, especially if say I’m sitting down or something. Then I stand up and realise just how bad it is. That probably sounds daft and I’ve often wanted to talk to someone but it’s not exactly the thing to do really, mate, is it?”
“You can talk to me mate, talk to me about anything” offered Danny warmly.
Jay felt himself reddening slightly.
“The point is, mate. Last year I did something I’ve never ever done in my life, only a few weeks before you pissed yourself in the street at work. I suppose that’s why it resonated with me so much because I was still getting over it. So when you wet yourself I just felt like I needed to help out.”
“You did piss yourself, then?”
“I don’t even want to say it, mate. I’ve really struggled to come to terms with what happened.”
…and with that, Jay began to recount his story.
As a big fan of Crystal Palace football club, Jay was a regular attender at home games and on odd occasions, when work permitted, he travelled to away games with his mates and with the last match of the season being away at Swansea, he’d taken a rare opportunity to travel on the club-arranged supporters coach. Along with his mates he’d been in the pub before leaving and a few pints later they’d all jumped on their allocated coach.
With an on-board toilet facility, they had been told that under no circumstances would any coach in the convoy be stopping and one-by-one Jay’s mates, and numerous others, had made regular trips to the tiny toilet facility in the middle of the bus. Jay hadn’t been to the toilet at all and although every jolt of the bus had sent a stabbing twinge through his bladder, he was comfortable and confident enough to pass it off as he sat back tightly in his seat, hardly moving a muscle during the near-two-and-a-half-hour journey.
When the coaches arrived close to the stadium, everyone started to stand up, stretching and getting prepared in readiness for disembarking. Jay stood up and as he did so he realised just how full and uncomfortable his bladder was. In fact he was more than full to bursting and, wracked in pain with his stomach aching, he had a sudden awful sensation that he was weeing uncontrollably. Straining every sinew and muscle he quickly realised that he was not urinating but his need to go was a phenomenal one and he was hugely relieved that they had arrived before he’d stood up and moved.
“Do you know what Dan, it was the first time in my life I was nearly wetting myself, I seriously was. I couldn’t believe how bad I had to go. I couldn’t say anything because my mates would have laughed as I’d sat there all the way so I would have sounded a right dick if I’d suddenly said it was that bad, so I just joined everyone else in waiting to get off. I was right near the front of the coach and the aisle behind me was packed so I couldn’t have got back to the toilet even if I’d wanted but as I stood there I was absolutely dying for a piss. We waited and waited and waited, everyone was yelling after a while but the coppers wouldn’t let us open the doors. We must have been waiting about 10 minutes in the end and I was in fucking agony. I kept wondering whether to try and push past everyone to get back but I just knew that as soon as I did, they’d let us off and everyone would start moving, you know, sod’s law.
Anyway, eventually they started to let us off but then stopped everyone again and by now I was on the steps of the coach with a massive crowd in front of me and a huge queue behind me. I was as close to pissing myself as I’ve ever been and I was panicking like fuck mate, you wouldn’t believe it.
All of a sudden, some of those waiting behind started getting impatient and someone started pushing. We were all trying to hold them back and but I had to strain to hold myself in place and I was thinking ‘oh fuck, I’m going to wet myself!’ because my stomach was about to explode. I think I did almost actually start going although I’m not sure because suddenly there was an almighty surge and I was just propelled forward, pushing smack-bang into those ahead of me and as some of them fell forwards, I went down the steps like a rocket-launcher, completely lost my footing and found myself bloody catapulted down about three steps and I stumbled and fell into people as if I had no legs, completely lost my co-ordination.
Before I realised it, I was standing there in the middle of everyone … pissing myself like a racehorse!”
“Wow!” said Danny.
“Jesus mate, I’d never pissed like that ever before. I just lost it totally and fucking wet myself, I was standing pissing in my pants and I couldn’t stop. I don’t know if anyone noticed at first because they were all yelling and shouting about the delay but of course, as soon as someone saw, everyone was looking and that was it, I wanted to fucking die on the spot mate.
Eventually some of the coppers came over and one of them pulled me to one side as the queue started moving but I couldn’t even stop going, I just couldn’t stop pissing in my jeans. A few of the lads were sort of patting me on the shoulder as they went past but it was unreal mate, awful, the worst moment of my entire life. I’d wet myself like a little kid in front of everyone. Talk about fucking embarrassed, I can’t tell you.”
“What’d you do then?” asked an expressionless Danny.
“Nothing mate, I had to stand there until everyone had gone past, then the coppers just let me go and follow on. They wouldn’t let me back on the coach so I had to go into the game like it. My jeans, my pants, my socks, my trainers – everything was saturated, I have never ever been as uncomfortable in my whole life. Loads of people kept coming up to me as asking if I was okay and stuff. I couldn’t get out of my wet things until I got home about eight o’clock that night. It was totally horrific, mate.”
“Blimey! I bet the old jeans were chaffing a bit by then!” said Danny.
Jay let out a huge sigh, blowing out his cheeks and letting his shoulders slump in apparent relief.
“I have never ever told anyone that before, mate. Of course everyone knows what happened, apart from the lads at work, but I’ve just clammed up. I’ve never mentioned it again to my family and I’ve never spoken about how it felt before. That’s a burden off my shoulders, mate I can tell you. That’s why I wanted to help when it happened to you just a few weeks later. I knew how you’d have been feeling and that’s why I lent you my pants, dried your socks and all that. It was still really fresh in my mind what had happened so I couldn’t help myself helping out.”
Danny lent right forward and patted Jay’s knee before squeezing his mate’s thigh tightly.
“Good on you, mate, I appreciated that. Look, you know how many times I’ve pissed myself. My biggest concern now is others finding out about all the different times. I’m just praying Jack doesn’t turn up at my place to collect those poxy jeans when Dawn’s in, that’d be a nightmare if he talks to her or if she tells him why they’ve been washed. Even worse, I still don’t know exactly what Dawn’s mum and dad saw me doing last night. And I still worry about Dawn, my mum and her mum getting together over a coffee sometime. Can you imagine that? Shit!
Anyway, we’ll have to go for a few beers in town one night – I’ll break the seal and you can hang on as long as possible, and then we’ll see which one of us comes closest to pissing our pants first!”
“Deal! You’re on, mate!” grinned Jay.
With that, the quiet atmosphere of the pub was shattered as a loud voice called out, “Oi Oi! What’s up pissy knickers!” and Jack walked in brazenly, holding a pair of folded up jeans under his arm.
“Oh God! What did he know?!”