The Cardiff Lad (Tiktok Clip)

[Lee]

“I wish I’d known that we were going into the city centre, I would have held back a bit on the old drink.”

“Yeah, you did down a few pretty quickly there, mate!

“Oh well, I’ll have to pace myself a bit if we find a club.”

“We all will, we don’t want to go all that way and then get refused entry or something!”

“Someone needs to tell Tom if that’s the case, look at him!”

The three lads, Dave, Will and Matty, all turned their heads to see their other mate Tom sitting with his head slumped in his arms and his elbows resting on the table.

“Is he going to be alright to come with us, do you reckon?”

“Yeah, no problem. He’ll sober up nicely on the journey.”


Fifteen minutes later, the four 23-year-old mates were standing outside the pub in the cool summer air.

“How long does this coach take to get there then?” asked Matty.

“Dunno, about 40 minutes I reckon. Ah, here it is now!”

“Come on Tom mate, you can have a sleep on the bus!” said Will, and they all laughed.

The coach was already fairly full as the lads clambered on and found some seats towards the back.

“Is this the last pick-up?” asked Dave.

“Yes, we’re on the way now lads, non-stop too.”

“Forty minutes, you reckon?” enquired Matty.

Dave nodded.

“Okay, that’s not too bad. I’ll probably want a piss by time we get there though.”

“Me too” piped up Will.


Ten minutes into the journey, with the rickety old coach trundling along and making for an uncomfortable journey, Dave looked across and nodded towards Tom in the opposite seat.

“He’s quiet”

The other two glanced over too.

“You alright there, Tom lad?”

Tom scarcely lifted his head as he replied, “Yeah. I need a piss!”

His mates took no notice at all, as Matty said, “At least he looks better now, I think he’s sobering up rapidly, which is good news!”

Another short time passed, before Will leaned across the aisle and patted Tom on the leg.

“How you doing mate?”

This time Tom looked up, slightly bleary-eyed but seemingly more alert and a little less slurred as he replied.

“I’m okay. I need a piss though!”

“Oh well” replied Will, “another half hour and we’ll be there.”


There was little more audible conversation until another five or six minutes had passed and this time, it was Matty who pointed out what he’d spotted.

“What’s he doing?” he whispered quietly, before calling across, “Hey Tommy-boy, what you doing there? Not playing with yourself, are you?”

The others looked over to see Tom pinching the crotch of his tight jeans.

“Don’t make it too obvious, will you!” laughed Will.

Tom lifted his head and uttered, “I need a piss!”

“Mate, you’ve said that about three or four times since we got on. We know you need a wee, probably everyone on this coach needs one! Just sit back in your seat and wait, we’ll be there soon enough.”

“I really need a piss!” mumbled Tom.

“Well, you can’t have one until we get there, can you? Shut up talking about it, you’ll make the rest of us want to go too!”

About 10 seconds passed before Tom spoke again.

“I’m going to do a piss somewhere in a minute!”

“What! Where’s he thinking about going then? There’s no toilet on here!” Matty said.

“If he does it on the floor, we’ll get chucked off, that’s for sure.”

“So, where’s he going to go?”

“In his pants if he’s not careful!” grinned Dave, and they all laughed softly.

“Don’t make me laugh mate” winced Will, “I’m feeling the need for a piss as well.”

“So am I” replied Matty, “but we should be there in about 15-20 minutes.”

Tom gave no indication as to whether he’d heard the exchange, but he shifted in his seat, groaned quietly and hauled himself up from his seat by wrapping his arms around the back of the seat in front.

“I’m going to get off, I’ve got to have a piss so bad!”

“Mate you can’t!” snapped back Dave, “you’ve only got 15 minutes or so to wait. Just sit back down!”

“I can’t!” replied Tom, still slurring his words slightly and looking somewhat unsteady on his feet, “If I don’t go for a piss, I’m going to go…!”

“Does he mean he’s going to piss himself?” asked a wide-eyed Matty.

Dave got up out of his seat and stepped across the aisle so that he was right next to Tom.

“Look, just sit down, you really don’t need to go that bad. And even if you do, you can’t! The coach won’t stop for you, so you’ll have to wait until
we get there. Sit down and it’ll feel better, mate.”

Twenty-three-year-old construction worker Tom, slumped back into his seat as his mate Dave gently eased him down onto the cushioned chair, but no sooner had his backside touched the fabric, than he leaned forwards and pinched the crotch of his jeans with his finger and thumb, before mumbling quietly,

“I’m dying to go a toilet. I think I’m going to wet myself!”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” whispered Dave, “don’t let anyone else hear you say something like that!”

But the comment had already reached Matty’s ears.

“What did he just say? He’s going to piss himself!”

“No way! How fucking embarrassing is that!” replied Will.


During the next five minutes, with Dave now leaning across to make sure that Tom didn’t try and leave his seat again, the three lads watched their mate squirm awkwardly in his seat. He was clearly sobering up from his earlier drunken state, but he was still somewhat slow in his movement, as he sporadically pressed his legs together and kept pinching his crotch, whilst occasionally resorting to longer holds and squeezes, bending forwards at the waist and then leaning back as far as he could push himself.

“Christ, I think he really might be close to pissing himself!” muttered Will.

“The state of those jeans probably isn’t helping” added Matty, “how the hell he manages to get them on that tight I’ve no idea!”

“I reckon he lays on the bed with his legs in the air and gets someone to roll them on like a condom!” laughed Dave.

They were still all smirking when suddenly, Tom rose from his seat and hauled himself out into the aisle.

“What are you doing mate?” asked Will.

“I’ve got to get off, I’ve got to find somewhere to have a piss” Tom whimpered, “I’m about to piss myself! I can’t hold on no longer!”

He stumbled a few yards down the aisle, falling against seats on both sides whilst gripping his crotch with his right hand as heads turned along the entire length of the coach to see what he was doing.

“Tom mate, come back, we’re almost there” said Dave, “look, you can see the lights in the distance, once we get over the bridge it’s only five minutes away!”

But Tom took no notice and continued stumbling along the aisle towards the front. His facial features had turned from a dazed drunkenness to an expression of panic.

“I’ve got to get off! I need to get off!” he groaned.

Dave hurried after him and as they approached the front, Dave called out to the driver,

“Can you pull over somewhere mate! He’s going to wet himself if we don’t stop!”

“I can’t” the driver called back, “there’s no way I can stop until we get off the approach. He’ll have to wait a few minutes, he should have asked earlier!”

Dave put his arm around Tom’s shoulder, “Mate, you’re going to have to hold on, you’ve got no choice! He’ll stop for you as soon as he can, okay?”

“I’m nearly doing it!” whimpered Tom.

“For fuck’s sake don’t go in your trousers!” whispered Dave, “you’ll never live it down!”

Tom nodded and bent forwards almost double whilst pressing his legs together and holding his crotch with both hands.


Everyone seemed to lose track of time over the course of the following minutes, until the driver called out, “Right, there’s the main square for your pubs, clubs and cocktail bars – whatever takes your fancy, but the coach leaves from this spot again at 2am. And we don’t wait for stragglers, okay?”

As everyone started to stand up in readiness to get off, Dave gently propelled Tom in the direction of the exit.

“Open the door! Open the door! Quick!” he yelled out, with his hand on the bottom of Tom’s back, although his mate was still doubled over.

Somehow, he clumsily tripped down the stairs and found himself on the pavement, feeling the cool air and accentuating his need even more.

“That’s where we’re going!” pointed out Dave, “that club there, it’s right there.”

But Tom wasn’t listening, having already spotted his destination.

Half-running as best as he could, with his legs scarcely bent and still stumbling from side to side, he made his frantic way towards a half-lit alleyway.

The narrow walkway was dark but the entrance was brightly lit and his route towards it was obvious to everyone.

He managed to get just a few yards into the alley and into apparent darkness, gasping with anticipated relief and starting to fumble with the fly of his jeans.

“Oh God!” his mumble was more audible than he realised, but his attempt to undo his jeans was not an easy procedure. Tom was well-built and muscular and his tight jeans proved tricky to negotiate at the best of times. Fashionably ripped at the knees, he could feel the light blue denim taut around his fulsome thighs and the crotch area was tight enough to require a careful extraction.

Stepping desperately from foot to foot as he struggled with the waist button as well as the zip fly, he managed to get his hand into the opening, but just as he was negotiating the task of pulling his tight white Ralph Lauren briefs aside, the whole area was lit up by torchlight.

“What do you think you’re doing?” snapped a loud voice.

Tom spun his head around as best as he could and he came face to face with two uniformed police officers.

“Don’t even think about it mate” said one, who was little older than Tom himself.

“I’ve got to…!” Tom began, with his voice almost wailing.

“If you’ve got to go, wait until you’re inside one of the bars where they’ve got toilets, or else you won’t be having any more fun tonight” came the reply.

“Please!” Tom groaned, still sounding somewhat inebriated, although clearly much more lucid than he had been an hour earlier, “please, I’m almost wetting myself!”

The officer was entirely unsympathetic.

“If I let you do it, they’ll be dozens more pleading the same, believe me. Now just do yourself up and get inside wherever it is you’re heading. Otherwise, that’s the end of your night.”

And with that he gently manouvered Tom back out into the street.

Tom still had one hand plunged down the front of his tight jeans and he was whimpering as he struggled to plant one foot in front of the other.

The second police officer spoke, “if he needs a toilet that badly, he might be best to go into one of the fast food places round the corner, otherwise he’ll find queues for all the clubs and bars near here…”

The other officer interrupted him.

“I think it’s too late!”

Both officers glanced down at Tom’s jeans, which were rapidly darkening all over his groin, as a glistening wet patch began to appear and spread rapidly across his crotch.

“Oops” said the second officer quietly, as Tom let out a few little moans of distress and seemed to tighten his grip inside his jeans. But almost instantly, the dark stain grew and began to creep down as far as the knee of his right trouser leg.

“I’m doing it in my pants!”

The two officers looked at each other and shrugged.

“You shouldn’t have left it so late mate.”


On the opposite corner of the street, Dave, Will and Matty were agitatedly looking around to see where Tom had got to.

“Where is he? We’ll never get inside if he’s not here soon. There’s a big queue waiting to get in already. It’s going to take us ages.”

Suddenly Matty spotted Tom making his way unsteadily across the road towards them.

“Oh No! Shit! I don’t believe it! He’s pissed himself!”

The three of them looked at each other as numerous other revellers were pointing towards Tom, having seen his condition.

“What the fuck’s happened mate?”

“They won’t let us in with you in wet jeans!”

“How did you manage to wet yourself?”

The queue for the club had almost extended as far as where they were standing, and a crestfallen Tom just muttered, “I’m so desperate, I’m just going to do a piss!”

Matty, Dave and Will glanced at each other again in puzzlement, as Tom mumbled, “I’m just doing a piss! I’m pissing! I’m having a piss!”

He moved his right foot about six inches to his right so that his legs were apart and at the same time he leaned back against the wall, bent forwards at the waist and began to squat down slightly with his knees bent. His head was bowed so that no-one could see his face, but just seconds later, a nearby female voice shrieked loudly,

“Eeww! Look! He’s weeing himself!”

Matty, Dave and Will looked down, along with everyone else, to see a clear stream of pee trickling out of the bottom of Tom’s trouser leg and starting to pool on the floor next to his trainer. Within seconds, the torrent of urine was dribbling rapidly from the leg of his jeans and also firing through the crotch, splattering onto the floor between his feet.

His thin white pants were absorbing none of the wetness and the back of his jeans were becoming sodden, all down the backs of his thighs whilst his backside was soaking. The hot urine was cascading down his legs, running down as far as his calves and ankles, where his white trainer socks had been sucked down inside his black trainers so it looked as if he was sockless.

All around his feet, a huge puddle steamed gently in the cool air and it must have been around thirty seconds after he’d started wetting himself that the flow finally diminished and Tom was left standing in a pool of liquid, with his jeans concealing nothing of his shame.

“We can’t take him in that state.”

“We can’t leave him out there though, can we? Not until two o’clock.”

“I’m not missing out after coming all this way!”

Matty plunged his hand into his pocket, “Here mate, take this” he said, pushing a £20 note into Tom’s hand, “get yourself a cab back home, okay?”

“That won’t be enough” added Will, “here, take another twenty.”

“Oh, alright then, here’s twenty from me as well” said Dave, “that’ll see you back home alright. Get yourself a cab mate, as soon as you can.”


It was around 30 minutes later that Tom was walking along the high street, aware that his wet jeans were vividly on display as he stumbled along, wide-legged and uncomfortable whilst attempting every so often to try and pull down the bottom of his white Ralph Lauren shirt to unsuccessfully try to cover his sodden trousers.

The call from his mobile was not one he would ever forget, despite his semi-drunken state.

“It’s me, sorry it’s late.”

“Tom, is that you? Whatever do you want? It’s after midnight.”

“I know, sorry. It’s just that, I can’t get a cab, no-one will take me. Could you come and pick me up from the city centre?”

“Are you drunk Tom? What’s the matter? Why can’t you get a cab, what do you mean?”

“Can you collect me? Please. I’ve wet myself mum!”

[Fred]

Well done! We all know lads that drink to excess, and even if they pee shortly before leaving the pub, they think they can hold it in during a wait for the bus and then a long ride. Fueled with beer, most bladders will fill to overflowing before that! And no taxi wants a passenger with thoroughly-pissed pants.

[Brian]

Poor Tom. At least his friends were concerned enough about him to give him some money for a cab (not that he was able to get one). Dave too, I notice, was shamed into contributing by the other two after being the one who physically prevented Tom from going to ask the driver to stop in the earlier stages of the drama. Hopefully it will be a better night out for Tom next time they all go to the city.

Love the physical description of Tom in that coach.

[Wombat48]

Great description and I love how close he came to getting relief after so long!!
Just one question.. the video showed that he was only wet down to his knee??

[Lee]

Great description and I love how close he came to getting relief after so long!!
Just one question.. the video showed that he was only wet down to his knee??

A bit of poetic licence is allowed, surely?

Also, that’s why he leaned back against the wall in a semi-squat, so it all ran down the backs of his legs!!!

[Wombat48]

Great description and I love how close he came to getting relief after so long!!
Just one question.. the video showed that he was only wet down to his knee??

A bit of poetic licence is allowed, surely?

Also, that’s why he leaned back against the wall in a semi-squat, so it all ran down the backs of his legs!!!

Haha nice save! It's such a hot story that I think that the poetic licence can be forgiven!

[ryan1990]

Awesome account, loved reading this!

[briefs]

Great account as always Lee, loved reading it:)