Church Club

[Sean]

There used to be a great club in London, now not a regular event, called Church. I never actually went to it, but for a while it was based at the Clapham Grand, opposite a pub I sometimes visit. It used to be on Sunday, midday till 4pm. Its two main themes were fancy dress, and getting wrecked. Hugely popular with Aussie and NZ expats, as well as the Brits (and Irish).

I've always had a bit of a soft spot (hahah!) for men in fancy dress - they're generally up for a good time, looking to get hammered, often wearing Lycra, and often dressed in outfits that make it very hard to get to your cock when you're in a hurry. What's not to like? I saw a gang of stags in a pub in Victoria once, all dressed as Elvis. A few had made an amazing effort with costumes, but most had obviously gone to the fancy dress shop and got the bog standard Elvis outfit - basically an all in one white Lycra outfit. One canny lad obviously had a knife, or scissors with him, as they had all cut two slits to allow access to pockets, and one smaller one for cock extraction. Actually I think the size of the front slit was a bit rude! I was proved right shortly, had some lovely sightings of "just in time" extractions, and the unusual sight of gushing cocks stuck through a tight Lycra hole!! It really showed them off to advantage. Gotta love the stags!! Another horny stag I saw once, in a Devon town, on the streets after the club closed, was wearing a horrible charity shop dress, obviously no underpants either, as he just stopped on the pavement and let rip -straight down, and out the bottom of the dress onto the pavement!!

But back to the church. Although it did have themed days, it was basically fancy dress, and the basic option for people who didn't know what outfit to go for was a "morph suit", which is just a Lycra all in one suit, including head (you can see through it from inside, and drink through it), usually in a sold colour (often pink!). The only opening is a zip down the spine. Quite difficult to manage, particularly after you've had a few! Other popular outfits were all kinds of superheroes (more Lycra, more inaccessible knobs), roman centurians, cave men, bananas etc. etc.

You get the picture. These are all hunky guys in their 20s. The pub that they used to go to to tank up before the club was a medium sized place, but with very few toilets - just two urinals, one cubical, and two sinks. It wasn't unusual for me to have a piss next to a caveman, and then have a pressing need to wash my hands, getting a good eyeful in the mirror of some other sweaty, panting lad pissing away next to me in the other sink!! If you did manage to undo the zip on your morph suit, the head covering was in direct line of fire for any sprays or dribbles, so when the lads re dressed they were breathing their own piss. Which turned me on. I had a chat with one lad in one of those suits, he agreed with me that if you can drink through them you can piss through them, said he was just going to squat in a corner, or sit on the bog and let loose. Sadly I didn't see that, as he went over to the club shortly after that. But at least he wasn't one of the wimps who wore underpants under the suit!! (It was completely obvious who was and who wasn't!)

Then, of course, at 4:00 pm several hundred drunk young lads and lassies get unceremoniously ejected onto Saint John's Hill, and have to decide what to do at 4:00 on a Sunday afternoon. Some went to some of the local pubs, others were too wrecked to carry on drinking, and had to face the journey home. And lots of them were gagging for a slash. I saw one guy, in a superhero outfit (I don't know which one, not a comic book nerd!) get off the pavement into the gutter, squat down and lean back (using his arm to support himself), and try to start having a piss, through his costume, when one of the bouncers from the club came up and said "oi, you promised me you wouldn't do that!" (I guess the local businesses weren't to happy about the club being there - it had to move often!) He was with several pals (male and female), but couldn't stop himself dancing around and squeezing his cock. And (endearingly) he kept saying "I wanna go wees! I wanna go wees!) the group moved towards the station, but it was obvious this guy wasn't going to make it home dry. So after they crossed the road and got the the entrance he had to excuse himself and scamper back up the road to find a backstreet. He soon did, and managed to make the necessary manoeuvres his outfit entailed to get it out and water some poor business's back door. Obviously I was next to him, he was gasping, I asked if that felt better, and he replied "oh fuck, yes".

Unfortunately for him, his jog up the street had taken him back closer to the club, and the same bouncer reappeared, swore at him, threw a can at him, and then ran over and pulled him away from the doorway. He just managed to cut off the stream and put it away as he was manhandled away. Luckily for me, I was not the bouncer's problem, and he ignored me - which upset one of the superhero's pals, who said to me, "why didn't they tell you off?" as I casually zipped up and walked away!

The hardier ones would go to one of the three closest pubs. In one of them I was treated to seeing an elf with an extremely heavy cock walk up to the urinal next to me, flip it out, and piss all over his shoes. As he was shaking it off he turned to me dejectedly and said "I just pissed all over my shoes". Funny he was drunk enough to do it, but sober enough to notice!!

Once I followed a centurion in a leather kilt (and not much else) into the station - I knew he wanted a piss, it's my sixth sense, and was treated to seeing him having a furious piss behind the ticket machine on the platform. I'm rarely wrong in my intuition for lads who need a piss.

Sadly, that club is gone now, they only have one off events.

But there will always be stag nights!!

[Brian]

I guess, from your description, that Church Club was a straight night club? In other words, watching those guys trying to solve the difficult problems of relieving their bursting bladders while wearing a one-piece lycra costume was something you had to do surreptitiously without being too obvious? That would make it all the more exciting. You've described some very hot scenes there. I'm quite envious!

Strangely, there's currently a club with the same name (Club Church, actually, the two words are the other way round) in Amsterdam almost on my doorstep. That one is gay. It has themed nights with particular dress codes, though I don't think super-hero lycra is one of them. There is a "golden shower" night. But I've never got round to going along yet. I keep meaning to.

The best club experience I've ever had was at the Vagevuur down in Eindhoven, back in the '90s. Long since closed. That was also gay, and it had a piss evening. I remember on the night I went even the guys serving at the bar had wet themselves - they were just serving drinks with their crotches soaking wet, streaked all down their legs. It was surreal! Of course I had fun in the "play area" down in the basement, but I won't go into details about that here in General & Open.

All that is by-the-way though. I'm swooning now over your description of the guys in their Elvis and super-hero suits, Sean. What brilliant sightings!